I often believe my mind is different to others. I believe it is a completely doo-lally-pip, bonkers and insane one which has elements of imagination and creativity, in a fairytale-like state within the recesses; with clouds, unicorns, butterflies, mechanical machines, cogs and a blur between reality and fiction.
There is a void with a never-ending dreamland full of waterfalls, long rivers, huge, deep lakes and caverns containing gold and diamonds. There are pretty colours made up of little fairies and fireflies. Majestic creatures such as Elves, Hippogriffs, Fauns and Lions roam the land accompanied by all manner of nasty creatures such as Witches, Orcs, Dragons and Trolls.
There are different varieties of jigsaw pieces, cotton candy and fluffiness and there are no troubles- except from the nasties occasionally, but there are handsome knights in shining armour riding on noble steeds who rescue damsels in distress. No one will ever save me, because I’m like Cinderella. No one has noticed me because I shy away and I’m scared of showing the real me, so I am just a lowly “servant”. No one will ever notice me; except maybe someday, somehow, somewhere, someone will notice me and take me away.
Suddenly I find someone and I think this fairytale has become real- I think I’m cuddling up with Mr Handsome, but I wake and realise it’s just my teddy bear hugging me and true love never really existed and I think of all the wonderful, imaginary things that could happen with this person, but I know they never will happen in this life. Out of nowhere the seas will rise and the floodgates will open and tears will be shed for lost love and never again will I notice that there is someone out there for me; someone ready to take my hand and take me away to a magical fairytale land where dreams come true.
Ingenious cogs alternate with insane cogs and together they make sense and nonsense; quizzical attributes and wrong attitudes. They make me wonder why the friends I chose to let in, leave me and it is because the wrong cogs overcome the right cogs. There is an emotional attachment to the ones I love, then when I am struck with the force of unkind words, I fall back the furthest and am stuck in a rut for what seems like eternity.
I manage to pull myself out every time, because I love those whom I call my friends; although I push them away because I am scared and lonely and I have a cruel second personality. I keep coming back because I am afraid of being alone; I need the ones I call friends to keep me in motion with the world and to keep me sane and help me to learn from my mistakes
There is no other way to describe me except these simple words:
I Am Me